Tea for two

You can't go far wrong with a scone, jam and cream. Therefore, if a client wants me to join him for a spot of tea and chat in a luxury London hotel, I never say no. Today, I checked into The Savoy at 3 pm for tea for two, dressed to thrill, as only a top London escort does. I am wearing a 1940s wiggle dress and Mary-Jane’s. I was feeling very retro for some reason - like Rita Hayworth. In other words, I glammed it right up with eyeliner and bright red lipstick for added va-va-voom.

I was fashionably late (five minutes, my maximum), and Bobby was already seated in the restaurant with a napkin draped across his lap and a menu in his hands. He stood up immediately, declared me "delicious!" and we sat. The waiter hovered while he took our tea for two orders. After a pot of Earl Grey was placed on one side and "Whole Lemon Verbena" on the other, we relaxed into our date.

All Tea'd out

Now, you'd have thought that as an elite escort in London, I'm an old hand on the hotel circuit. I should remember just how much food they feed you. Also, after your fourth cup of tea, you feel like you could water the surrounding foliage - but I didn't. I was suffering sucking my stomach in, and my eyes were bigger than my tummy. Bobby munched happily on his third scone and clotted cream while I nibbled on an éclair and exhaled painfully. After this first tea round for two, getting my second wind seemed like a good idea.

As it was only an hour sitting, we decided to quit while we were ahead. We took a stroll through to the shop where the displays of delicacies and tins of tea looked a whole less appetising. I could shop clearly and watch the chocolatiers at work without drooling. That's not to say we didn't put a considerable dent in our credit limits. Therefore, I made the most of buying gifts for the family and for when we weren't quite so dead out!